Typically, by the time I've sunk into the comforting thoughts and the blissful quiet within

I've already run my fingers along the titles of upset, calculating which send shivers down my spine, selecting the worst for this moment

I've already stared myself down, searching for the answers that I grasp for, those lines of nothing that come from nowhere

I've already flailed my arms, unable to fight against the words that I've rehearsed endlessly

I've already realized that logic can't save me, I can't deliberate impartially, there is no escaping from the strangling grasp of manic irrationality

But, tonight, I've let those constants be less than constant

Sidestepping and letting the rampage sweep past me

Here I sit, feeling my thoughts seep down

I feel them first become abstractions

Soon transforming into figments of emotion

As they circle the drain of my being, I come to peace with the departure

Gone before they could even begin, but the meaning not lost

The way I got here was different, was loving, was passionate, was overwhelmingly caring

Can it be this easy

Does having the outward affirmation and acceptance of the entirety of myself allow me to escape they icy clutch of what lies within me

Do I find my peace within them? Or do they pull it out from within me?

All that matters at this moment is that I can sit at rest with myself, taking everything in

If they can accept all that comes with me, so will I