On Returning

Interesting how we can grow so much

Up and Out

Only to have it toppled by a Great Return

No matter my exterior,

I see the sky take the same shade as

When I was small

My peripheral closes

Eyes dropping

Suddenly I’m back in that awkward body

That half-figure of transition and discovery

One that was left behind

I’m back with the Fight or Flight

And the cowering behind big hardcover books

And the putting on of belts

And the denial of self

What is there to do?

I can’t outrun the sky

Or the person I am

Only one way to go– forward

But I find my psyche rolling back

And further, going, hurdling

Finally, I’m left stuck

A small presence in a foreign but familiar host

Wondering about my whereabouts

I’m back, I think

I’m scared, I think

I’m me, I think

I can only be me

No matter how fast I try to run

Futile as it may be

It leads to the same place

Some spectral interstate

With all signs guiding me to an Unreal City